That’s just the way it is. I can’t help that my life is mess or control the situation at work. I would be happy if only he would just get his life together. I would be less stressed if I made just a little more money. It’s not my fault I would tell myself. I can’t help it. That’s just the way it is.
I see how much power I gave to the whims of happenstance.
The majority of us function in this way. The world moving at warp speed and we can feel powerless over our circumstances. We come up with a very specific idea of what “good” looks like for our lives. When the world doesn’t deliver these circumstances..well then watch out, we are not happy!
Almost 3 years ago, I met an amazing person, Barbara L. Fredrickson at the Leadership in Healthcare in Coaching conference held at Boston’s McLean University Harvard Medical School. Fredrickson, director of Positive Emotions and Psychophysiology PEP Laboratory where she studies positivity has proven the practice of thinking positive extends our life span, improves our health, wellbeing and resilience. Not only does it feel good to think good, it actually changes us for the better by creating new connections in the brain chemistry and perception.
What if you want to feel good but can't kick the worry habit?
The simple truth is we all have stress (the good, bad, and ugly), but having life events doesn’t mean you have to be ho-hum. It’s a matter of perspection. If you choose to think differently about these circumstances, you being to see things differently. Radical, I know. Okay, I didn’t say it was easy, but here is the thing -it really works!! If you don’t believe me, reference some of Fredrickson work.
Try this on for an everyday example. Someone cuts you off in traffic, you spill coffee on your brand new white shirt all while running on your way to very important meeting that you are now late for. All signs point to a horrible day ahead, right? Nope.
You get to flex your positivity and stop the chain reaction.
You can decide to stop it right there. Whether you use affirmations, humor, surrender, meditation, or blasting some music, you are the only one who can shift yourself out of the moment and change the momentum for the rest of your day and life.
Let's be honest. The world and our life circumstances are not going anywhere. The sooner we can figure out how to feel better despite the outcomes and enjoy the moments is when you truly start to live life. Giving yourself the grace to think positive is being good to you. Because life isn’t about living when circumstances are perfect. Life is about choosing to embrace living fully right now regardless of your situation.
You have a choice to live a beautiful life.
Wanna start today? If you have more questions, I have answers. The life you have been dreaming about is truly possible for you. All you have to lose is a tight jaw, stress headache and lots of extra worry.
I believe people can and do change, I see it everyday. The answer to a life without stress controlling you is simple, be positive.
**Barbara Fredrickson is teaching a free course online on positive psychology. Sign up here